And so begins the
countdown to Valentine’s Day, the world’s most-hated
commercialised holiday. Does it serve any other purpose in life other
than to make you feel terrible about being single/being poor/your
relationship/letting your partner down? No.
If you’re about
to suffer through another Hallmark-created holiday with someone you
cannot stand anymore, don’t do the right thing and call it a day,
or try to make more of an effort, just take yourself on holiday, and
cheat! That way you get the security of a relationship, but all the
fun of being single! Here’s our ultimate guide to the best
destinations around the world to cheat in.
- Australia
It would almost
be a crime to visit the land of Hugh Jackman and Elle McPherson and
stay faithful, right? Everyone knows it’s not cheating if you’re
in different hemispheres anyway. It’s not as if pictures on
Facebook can be seen around the world…
Love Rat
Rating: 5/5: you’ve travelled to the other side of the world,
probably paid out just under a grand, all so you can attempt to cheat
without getting caught. You’re now dirt-poor, and the ultimate
prat. Well done.
- Ireland
So you’ve
watched PS I Love You
one too many times, and concluded that nothing your
boyfriend/fiancé/husband could ever do will be as
funny/cute/adorable/perfect as your own Irish man. Sound familiar?
Well you’re not alone. Thousands of women flock to the land of the
leprechaun to find their knight in shining armour, yet only find
jockeys measuring up to 5’, and on a stricter diet than the
post-Christmas one. But if the Irish accent more than makes up for
the height difference, and you can cope with questionable alcohol
habits and the racing schedule, then hop on the ferry over to Dublin.
Love Rat
Rating: 4/5: if you’re willing to overlook most of the personality
quirks of Irish men, and still choose them over your current partner,
then you’re more desperate than most.
- London
As documented in
a popular TV show, Chelsea girls love a cheater. Don your best tux,
order some new business cards (because you must
work in the City), and be prepared to pay out at least £500 on a
bottle of Bolly. They’ll be more than happy to play a part in
ruining your relationship: anything for a bit of drama dahling.
Love Rat
Rating: 2/5: absolutely no imagination involved with this. Minimal
effort: you only need to find a suit and figure out what a banker
actually does. Easy, yes, but even more lies to keep on top of. Plus,
there’s no drama unless girlfriend/wife finds out... Good luck.
- Magaluf/Malia/Ibiza/Zante…
The failsafe
option for the classiest (read: ‘most desperate’) of cheaters.
And obviously, if you’re the only one in a relationship in your
group, you HAVE to cheat. It’s the rules, didn’t you know? You’ll
lose ALL YOUR LAD POINTS if you show the slightest respect for your
girlfriend, so quick, line up the sambucas, and prepare your “but
babe, I just had so much to drink, and you know I wouldn’t do it
sober, and babe I just love you so much” speech.
Love Rat
Rating: 1/5: you really are the worst kind of human being.
- The Maldives
If no one finds
your secret stash of bank accounts, you’ll be pretty safe in the
middle of nowhere.
Love Rat
Rating: 4/5: again, well done for the forward thinking and potential
hiding, your other half isn’t likely to wander in on you here, but
you may wish you saved the money and the effort of lying for
something slightly more worthwhile.
- France
Ah Paris: the
official city of romance. Where better to establish yourself as a
cheat: it’s basically the equivalent of taking a Kindle with you to
visit William Shakespeare’s birthplace. Maybe you’re just being
super hip and ironic though – it’s not cheating when you’re
working to destroy the stereotypes that have been placed upon our
culture and history for centuries: all in the name of social justice
and removing the stigma of romance from Paris.
Love Rat
Rating: 2/5: low points for originality, and even lower points for
being a pompous cliché who thinks Paris is romantic in the first
place.
- Argentina
Hats off to
whoever can resist millionaire polo-players strutting around with
their shirts off. Ponies and topless men: guaranteed to wear down the
willpower of even the strongest women.
Love Rat
Rating: 5/5: an amazing country, and well, accidents happen.
- New York
Home to some of
the best love stories ever: Ross and Rachel, Holly Golightly and Paul
Varjak, Carrie and Big, Harry and Sally. It’s only natural to want
to begin your affair in a city with as much as history as New York –
everyone’s seen the Empire State Building scene in An
Affair to Remember. Sadly, films
don’t ring true in the real world, and you’re much more likely
going to channel Carrie Bradshaw and screw over your kind,
considerate boyfriend/fiancé/husband for a complete and utter idiot
who leaves you at the altar.
Guess you could
always try the “we were on a break” thing if it backfires.
Love Rat
Rating: 3/5: pretty standard, it’s not hard to cheat in a city.
Although don’t expect your sorry story to finish up like the films
you’ve seen.
- Thailand
With full moon
parties quickly becoming the new Ibizia for middle class offspring,
all pumped full of alcohol and drugs, you’re likely to make a
couple of pretty bad mistakes. When you’re in a place that’s so
far removed from everything you’ve ever grown accustomed to, it’s
quite easy to forget that your real life does exist.
Love Rat
Rating: 3/5: there are much better things to be doing in this country
than schlepping around looking for a partner in crime.
- 20 minutes down the road
To be honest, if
you’re gonna cheat, you’re gonna cheat.
Love Rat
Rating: ZERO OUT OF FIVE you pathetic loser. At least break yourself
financially with an extravagant holiday if you’re going to break
someone’s heart.
Author bio:
This article
was written by Simon Goddard of Just
The Flight. We are a flight booking service to destinations
worldwide. Visit us at www.justtheflight.co.uk